A few weeks back I got notice from the MVD that I had 9 points on my driving record and that I needed to attend Traffic Survival School within the next sixty days, lest my license get suspended. Oh yeah… My speeding habits have finally caught up with me.
Considering my past experiences with Defensive Driving classes, I'd have to say this one was far from boring. The woman teaching the class was pretty entertaining, very witty, and since it was Traffic Survival School it was made for people with messed up situations so... it was a different class of people from the usual defensive driving attendees.
Most of the people in there were red light runners. The instructor made us go through and say our names and why we were there. It went something like this:
red light, red light, red light, DUI, red light, red light, red light, DUI, red light, red light, red light. Gets to Pandora:
"Um... I'm here because of a series of speeding tickets."
"A series? You must be my speed racer. Which one is the worst?"
"Well, I was doing about 90."
"90? In a what?"
"In a 65."
"Girl POWER!!"
Then it continued: red light, red light, speeding:
"Speeding? How fast?"
"78."
"In a what?"
"65."
"Bah... that's just keeping up with the flow of traffic. Pandora's got you beat."
Then it continued: red light, red light, red light, DUI, reckless driving, red light, red light, red light, speeding:
"How fast?"
"45"
"In a what?"
"30."
"Nope, she's still got you beat."
Then it continued: red light, red light, red light, speeding:
"And..."
"Don't worry about it. She's got me beat."
Then it continued: red light, red light, red light, red light.
She looks at me, "Well, no one's got you beat. GIRL POWER!!!"
Though I hated being there, it was pretty funny. I did learn though, that if I get another traffic violation any time within the next twelve months my license will automatically be suspended for six months -- so I have to be good. I also learned that it will take two years for all the points on my record to be considered inactive -- so I still have to be good. I also learned that after two years, though the points will no longer be "active," they will be archived and available for the police to see for the next ten years so... Let's just say that Girl Power is starting to feel the power of Government Oppression. They've forced me into submission, whether I like it or not. While I'm locked on cruise control in the slow lane, my soul silently weeps every time some jacked up hoopty passes me in the cruising lane. The Apocalypse is now upon me my friends, and, the way I feel, I might as well trade in my fancy red rocket for a Geo Metro and just call it a day...
It is soooOOOOooo painful, you have no idea… I know people that drive much much faster than I do, or ever would, but apparently I'm the one that must obey. (Maybe it's because they caught wind of my notary oaths…)
I've been speeding since day one. And even when the instructor asked why people speed, and everyone else was giving the stupid, good, brown nosing student answers, I responded, "Because it's fun! That's why people speed."
Seriously… What kind of question is that? "Why do people speed?" Please…
Sure, people speed because they're late, etc., but I speed (particularly on an open stretch of highway) because it's as close to "flying" as I'll ever get. It feels great! It feels FREE!! And my car rides like the wheels don't touch the road!!! Why do I speed?!! Are you serious?!!!
Not to mention I'm a good driver. You didn't hear me say, "I ran a red light and almost killed someone." You didn't hear me say, "Reckless driving because I didn't turn on my signal and the guy in front of me almost killed himself trying to avoid me." You didn't hear me say, "DUI." You didn't hear me say, "Hit and run because I fell asleep at the wheel and when I came to I realized what I had done and so I got out of my car and ran, but the cops followed the trail of blood that was dripping from my forehead and they found me and I had to go to prison for it."
No, you heard me say, speeding, period, end of story.
Yeah, so I was doing 90 (actually 95 until I made a feeble attempt to slow down when I saw the cop), but it was an OPEN STRETCH OF HIGHWAY with NO ONE ON IT (except the stupid cop behind the bushes in the median…).
So I was doing 85 on the 101 freeway and the stupid photo radars caught me, it was still 1:00 a.m. and there was nearly NO ONE ON IT! I was harming no one. I wasn't even harming myself!
My car is low to the ground, good center of gravity, turns like a well oiled ferris wheel, and I'm always aware of my surroundings. Now I've been punished.
Now I've been stripped of my freedom to speed and breath freely on the highway.
Now I've been forced to stomach my anger and swallow my pride when the jack ass behind me rides my bumper because I'm driving the speed limit.
Now I've been forced to move over with the slow traffic.
Now I've been forced to sit beside the people on the highway who say to themselves, "She has a car like that and she's driving like this?" And I know for a fact people say that. Want to know how I know? Because I saw a guy in a bad ass BMW driving 65 in the fast lane and I passed him thinking, "He has a car like that and he's driving like this? If I had that car I'd be all about it!" Well, now I know… the poor guy is probably just like me. He's oppressed by the system, forced into submissive obedience, and forced to drive his car at speeds that were made for the Geo Metro. We are under Automobile Arrest...
I could just puke...
