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...over-educated and under-experienced, or so they say...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Stalkers & Valentines II

(Two weeks ago: Pandora is walking down the hall when she notices Admin and WhiteNoise standing off to the side gleefully smiling at her.)

Pandora: What?

Admin: (big smile) You have an admirer.

WhiteNoise: (stupid giggle)

Pandora: Pfft... (goes to her cube)

WhiteNoise: (steps into Pandora's cube) You don't even want to know who it is?

Pandora: (puts the files on top of her desk) Not really, no.

WhiteNoise: Are you kidding me? Someone has a crush on you and you don't want to know who it is?

Pandora: There's a certain policy that I live by -- don't shit where you eat.

WhiteNoise: Haha! You crack me up. (sits down) So, want to know who it is?

Pandora: (logs into her computer) Someone in Survey?

WhiteNoise: Yes.

Pandora: Dillon.

WhiteNoise: Oh come on! That's old news. Why would I tell you something that you already know?

Pandora: (turns around) It's someone new?

WhiteNoise: (smiles) Yep. Kurtis.

Pandora: Who?

WhiteNoise: Kurtis. You know, Kurtis Thomas?

Pandora: Kurtis who? I don't know anyone down there named Kurtis.

WhiteNoise: Oh my god! You don't even know who he is???

Pandora: Should I? Is he working on one of my jobs or something? I swear, I've never worked with a Kurtis. I've worked with Dillon, Manny, Rooster, and Troy. A couple times I've worked with Marna, but other than that... I've talked to no one down there. I go in, talk business, and come back out.

WhiteNoise: You've never even said hi to the guy?

Pandora: (shrugs) Maybe I passed him in the hall or something and said hello? I don't know, but I do know that I have no clue who you're talking about. Are you sure it's me he's admiring, or someone else?

WhiteNoise: Who else would he be admiring? You're the only Pandora up here. I wouldn't get that wrong!

Pandora: He said something to you about it?

WhiteNoise: Girl, he walked right up to me and asked about you.

Pandora: Huh. (turns around and starts working)

WhiteNoise: Are you serious? You're not interested in this at all?

Pandora: I don't date men from work. You know that.

WhiteNoise: He's good looking.

Pandora: I've never seen him.

WhiteNoise: He's 37. He's a single dad. He has an 8 year old daughter.

Pandora: I'm not interested.

WhiteNoise: He's a really nice guy! You could be missing out on something.

Pandora: What did you tell him?

WhiteNoise: (sits up straight) Nothing, really. I was shocked. I was down there talking to Dillon and he came out of nowhere and asked about you and I felt really uncomfortable saying anything with Dillon right there.

Pandora: Fabulous.

WhiteNoise: So you're not interested.

Pandora: No.

WhiteNoise: What do you want me to tell him?

Pandora: I'm not available.

WhiteNoise: That's it? You're not available.

Pandora: Yep. I'm not on the market.

WhiteNoise (disappointed that the juicy gossip was stopped short, leaves Pandora's cube)

(Today, two weeks after that conversation, Pandora comes back from lunch and opens her email only to find the following message: I heard you like sushi. Would you like to go sometime? :-) Kurtis Thomas, Survey Dept.
Pandora stares blankly at the email, trying to figure out who this person is, when she suddenly remembers the previous conversation with WhiteNoise. She forwards the email to WhiteNoise saying, "Is this the guy you were telling me about a couple weeks ago?" After hearing a distant "Oh my god!" followed by some girlish laughter, WhiteNoise steps into Pandora's cube.)

WhiteNoise: (half whispering) Oh my god, Pandora! Yes! That's the guy! Have you been talking to him?

Pandora: (a bit confused/concerned) Uh, no. I've never said two words to the guy and I still have no clue who he is or where he sits or what he even looks like.

WhiteNoise: What??? You haven't been talking to him???

Pandora: No.

WhiteNoise: Well how did he know you like sushi? (dramatic gasp) Oh no! He must be doing his homework on you! Oh no! Girl... that's kinda creepy.

Pandora: um... what's really bugging me is that I have never even spoken to the guy, nor do I even know what he looks like, and he's asking me out on a date.

WhiteNoise: Hahahahaha! This is crazy! Did you respond to him?

Pandora: No.

WhiteNoise: You didn't??

Pandora: What am I going to say? "Uh, sorry dude. I have no clue who you are."

WhiteNoise: Well you've gotta say something!

Pandora: What? What am I going to say? This guy came out of the shadows! I don't even know what he looks like! He could be standing next to me in the elevator and I wouldn't know who he is, but he obviously knows who I am and somehow thinks we're acquainted enough to go out for Sushi? What do you say to that guy? Why is this even happening to me right now?

WhiteNoise: Hahahahahaha...

Pandora: Oh yes, laugh at me. This isn't funny.

WhiteNoise: Hahahahahaha... I'm sorry. I am. But this is kinda funny.

Pandora: I thought you were going to say something to him. I thought you were going to tell him that I wasn't available.

WhiteNoise: Me??? What was I going to do? He asked me right in front of Dillon! I couldn't say anything in front of that guy!

Pandora: Whatever! Dillon draws up my maps. So he asked me to dinner once and I said no. What difference would it make to him if he watched you tell this new guy that I'm not available? He already knows because I shot him down a year ago. If anything, it would probably make him feel better. At least it would be better than sitting around wondering if I'm going to say yes to a dude I've never even spoken to!

WhiteNoise: Hahahahahahahaha! You heart-breaker you!

Pandora: What? How can I be a breaker of hearts I never get involved with?

WhiteNoise: Hahahahahaha!

Pandora: More laughing... This is serious! I'm going to get quite the reputation down there if these dudes don't get a grip on reality.

WhiteNoise: (catching her breath) okay... so what are you going to do?

Pandora: (stares at the email for a minute) Nothing.

WhiteNoise: Nothing??

Pandora: Well, if I respond to this then more will follow. So... I think I'm just going to let it go.

WhiteNoise: ...

Pandora: What?

WhiteNoise: That poor guy.

Pandora: Poor guy???

WhiteNoise: He's going to be so disappointed.

Pandora: Noise... I have never even talked with the guy.

WhiteNoise: (sighs) Okay. I'll go down there tomorrow and break it to him gently.

Pandora: What?

WhiteNoise: Don't worry. I'll take care of it for you. I'll tell him you're taken. I just feel bad for him, you know? He likes you. And you gotta admit it, you got it goin' on! These guys really dig you!

Pandora: whatever.

WhiteNoise: Oh come on! It has to make you feel good, doesn't it?

Pandora: No. It doesn't. It annoys me. I'm here at work. I work here. I go down there and I talk business. Sure, I smile and I'm polite, but I'm strictly business. And in this guy's case, I don't even have a working relationship with him. So I have no clue how this even came about.

WhiteNoise: It's the Something About Mary complex. Hehehehehe...

Pandora: It's the annoying complex.

WhiteNoise: Well, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it tomorrow. (leaves Pandora's cube)

Pandora: (stares at the email for a bit) I'm cursed. It's Valentine's Day. That's what it is. Stupid Valentine and Stupid Cupid always missing the mark.

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