Impromptu Politcal Rant, Opus 1

“So,” she said, “you haven’t blogged lately and I really miss reading it.”

“I know,” I said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I haven’t been able to write. I can’t tell you how many times I sit down, write two paragraphs, decide it’s crap, and then stop. I just can’t seem to make it work right now. And it isn’t because I have no material, it’s almost that I have too much material and all of the thoughts are flying around in my head like some kind of intellectual pot-luck and every time I sit down to write something I get nothing but green bean casserole with those crunchy onion things that came from a can.”

She chuckled a bit and said, “What about the politics over there right now? Surely you have something to say about that! That seems like something you’d jump all over.”

I rolled my eyes and heaved a sigh, “One would think, yes, but I haven’t been able to say anything about it at all. The way things are with this one, I can’t really talk about it without going on some kind of 100% political rant. And ranting about this or that is definitely a style of mine, but I do my best to just hint at political issues and hint at social issues. It’s my goal to entertain my reader, to make them laugh or make them cry or perhaps even piss them off a bit, but to do it in a manner that makes them think. This topic around here isn’t really going to make anyone think because there’s nothing I can say to make anyone laugh about it. I can’t even really laugh about it. I get angry just thinking about it because it annoys the hell out of me. It’s everywhere right now. From the day this thing started it was ridiculously annoying – the governor was about to sign a bill and suddenly a bunch of ignorant high school kids who probably don’t know how to properly count change from their place behind the register at the local McDonald's (let alone what the hell’s going on in the economy over here) are outside the capital building protesting. Then, to counteract that impressive show of intelligence, there's suddenly a group of Tea Party Activists out protesting the group of pubescent protesters. Really? We have to out protest the high school kids about this?? Um... what??? And then one night I come home to watch the Suns game, because they made it to the playoffs, and I turn on the TV to see them running up and down the court in jerseys that say Los Suns. Are you fucking kidding me??? Los Suns??? Seriously??? Steve Nash, one of my favorites, is down there running back and forth in a Los Suns jersey because even he has to protest the bill that requires people to be in this state legally? Is this some kind of joke, Mr. Canada Dry? I’m pretty sure his stupid ass is here legally. I’m pretty sure his overpaid pro-ball playing ass is here legally. You bet that idiot’s carrying his papers around everywhere he goes as he’s living it up as a celebrity in this country of ours, but he’s trolling around in a Los Suns jersey? What??? And then that stupid idiot Al Sharpton was out here with a bunch of wackoes protesting somewhere downtown, and… for God’s sake! Who the hell listens to Al Sharpton??? Really??? When is that idiot going to disappear??? Every time I think I’m safe, Al Sharpton shows up again like a recurring "reverse racism" nightmare. Holy cow… And it’s all over the stupid mainstream media all the time, and the right wing media is all about it too and there’s no sign of stopping it. It’s nothing but poison tongue all over the screen and it makes me puke. And then California, my home state, decides it’s a good idea to boycott us. Are you kidding me??? That’s nice. An entire state puts out a boycott against us. Pfft… that’s just fabulous… you know, because California’s the epitome of economic stability and all states in the Union should admire and emulate bankrupt California. Idiots… I wonder how long it will take them to realize that a major portion of their economic failures stem from illegal immigrants. Dumb asses… And I can’t tell you how many of my PhD buddies, you excluded (thank you for that, by the way), have been posting article after article about Arizona and its bigotry and bla bla fucking bla. But do any of them live here? Have any of them even read the bill? Doubtful. And the other day I hop on there and see that so-and-so has posted some stupid article about how the major league baseball players are actively protesting the bill that was recently passed in Arizona, and bla bla bla, and I finally couldn’t take it anymore and so I wrote a comment under his stupid post and said something like yes, yes… and I’d like to know where these big hearted ball players were for the ‘little people’ when they went on strike a few years ago because their multi-million dollar contracts weren’t enough to help them pay the bills and suit their lifestyle. Give me a break! These guys aren’t holding up the torch for anyone or any cause but their own. They think if they jump on the mainstream liberal media bandwagon, it will boost their popularity and increase ticket sales in an economic downturn. I mean, come on people! Where are your heads??? Since when do we just bow down to the appearance and a façade of the “do gooder” without thinking??? Really?!?!?! Where is critical thinking here??? Where has it gone??? ooOOoo… look at these outstanding citizen baseball players with millions of dollars and Publicity Representatives telling them every move to make in front of the press so the average man can be duped by their glory and buy their baseball cards, and jerseys, and hats, and shoes, and season tickets. Come on… really!?!?!? I mean… is it too much to ask my entertainment industry to do JUST THAT – entertain me? Could I please sit through a movie without having some stupid political agenda preached at me? Please??? Is it so wrong if I believe the only reason those people should make millions is because their sole purpose in this life is to give me a little bit of escapism? Really? Is that too much to ask from these idiots? Am I so wrong and wicked because I actually dream of a world where politics is politics and entertainment is entertainment? Really??? And then, to top it all off, that same guy that posted that stupid article about the stupid baseball players, popped back on and started spewing something about all of “the bigots” here in Arizona. And right about now I just can’t take it anymore. I live in a 750 square foot two bedroom apartment surrounded by cuckoo’s nest neighbors and cars that sound like broken time machines. I get up every morning and I feed my daughter a bowl of cereal and get her ready and off to school right before I leave for my own job. I do my job and I come home. I live here. I live in Arizona and I happen to love it here. I’m not responsible for this stupid bill. I had nothing to do with it. And for the most part I guess I try not to think about it because ultimately all I’m concerned about is the well being of my child and whether or not I have the means to get by on a day to day basis. But dude… call me a bigot one more fucking time and I’m going to get myself on a plane and get to Philadelphia, or wherever the hell it is that you live, and I’m going to throw a tomato at your stupid ass!!! ...good grief..."

“Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!” she laughed, “That was awesome! I should’ve recorded that shit! There’s your blog post, honey. Now get off the phone and go write that down. And don’t forget the part about the tomato.”