The New Year Recap?

Ok... so I haven't written in a while. The "holidays" kinda threw me off. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say (I always have something to say, even if I can't find a way to write it), it was the shopping and the parties and the people and such consuming all my time (and a couple days where I just felt lazy and somewhat sick because of that thing called Gluten
I unintentionally ingested over the vacation days I had... which is really depressing, in all honesty, since the last time I got sick from gluten was only because I knowingly ingested it through a euphoric chocolate magma experience I paid for with dollars just as much as I paid with physical pain... This time I ate rice and veggies and salads and things I thought were "safe" to eat only to get sick because you never really know how the restaurants are preparing your food and... well... sigh... I can't tell you how much this pains me both physically and otherwise...)

Anyway, we are now four days into the "New Year" (I put that in quotes for the people who rambled on at me the other night about the flaws of the Gregorian Calendar and how we should really follow the Chinese New Year, which falls on Valentines Day or some random crap like that, because it's more "accurate." Of course, I didn't really say anything about their ridiculous drunken ramblings; I just smiled and nodded and said something equally random and ridiculous about the 28 day cycles of the moon and how that would make 13 months in a year and how all pagans and neo pagans see that as the true time frame of life but how Christianity, particularly Roman Christianity, screwed that all up with the Gregorian Calendar and such and I just inundated them with more information than they needed until I was certain their eyes glazed over with the desire for me to shut-up which was glorious since my intent was to make them shut-up with the same information I knew they willingly wanted to spew at me but my random academic brain beat them to the punch. But what they didn't know is how much I really wanted to say something right wing like, "Ya... that's probably a good idea, since China's about to dominate us all pretty soon and we'll have to get used to the way they do things anyway. Seriously... have you seen their military parade? Not sure that dragon is sleeping anymore. In fact, I'm willing to bet that dragon is brushing the morning breath away from its teeth and washing the sleep away from its eyes even as you take that last swallow of your champagne but... what do I know?" Truth is, I really don't know much. Most of my friends are impressed with the way I stay out of what they consider "main stream," but I do know this: China's population is big enough to send people over in row boats to American shores and kill people with little more than a pocket full of table spoons. And while the American airports would rather waste time checking my ten year old daughter's white Nike's for weapons of mass destruction while Abdul Matulablablabla, whose name is actually on some list of potential terrorists, slips through the system onto a plane with something that actually "burns" just enough to capture media attention for a week or two, maybe we should consider the fact that the country who could kill us with spoons, that we just happen to owe a hell of a lot of fucking money to, is actually a problem and potential threat but, again... what do I know? And... I guess I won't say that I'm fairly certain China will totally censor my blogging ass once they take over because I'm lucky enough to live inland and won't be a victim of one of their spoon wielding peasants -- all they'll have to do is make sure I'm seriously committed when I surrender and... censor my stupid blog.)

All that aside, I'm not sure what to say. Most people that Blog or You Tube or something have some sort of end of the year recap between December 30 and January 2 and then just keep on rolling like there's no tomorrow (which there always is... even if you do believe the end is nigh...). It's January 4 though... and, honestly, if you're a die hard Pandora follower, which means you've been with me for two years now and you've also known and endured the long dry spells of writer's block, you know that it's a) a shock I'm even writing on January 4 and b) a shock that I've been writing somewhat consistently enough to say any of this. If I did, however, have a "recap" for the past haphazard year, it would go something like this:

Yes! I know! I'm a slacker! November was the best writing month I ever had! Thank you for supporting that and for encouraging me to keep on rolling! (sorry I failed you when December rolled around)

Right after that I would say something like this:

Out of the 55 posts (which looks really terrible when I put it in print like that) I made in 2009, Regardless was my favorite, but for the random and unknown readers that I do have that, for whatever reason, cross my blog and may or may not come back, that was not the case. The number one blog post of 2009 was Poe, Tinnitus, and The Ringing of the Stinking Bells Bells Bells Bells Bells Bells Bells... (with The Lunch Room taking a close second).

And following that announcement I would have to say something like:

Special thanks to the extraordinary individuals in my life like Misanthrope (The Lunch Room), Gunther (Morning Coffee), Sunshine (Safety Minute), Cowboy (Midnight At The Library), and G. B. Wittington (It's A Penguiolles Thanksgiving) for not only adding spice to my life but character to my blog as you present me with dialogue opportunities that the average person could never provide since they would most likely have their tongues tied and teeth occupied with the Crest Whitening Strips they found on sale, in bulk, at the local Costco or Sam's Club. And an extra special thanks goes out to Windmill Dick for his inspiration and support for at least three of the most recent posts (quite possibly all in November... the record breaking writing month...).

And right after that I would feel like an idiot pretending to receive an Emmy Award
for some bull shit that should've never made it in the first place and yet... I would continue with something like:

I resolved quite some time ago to make no New Year resolutions because they amount to little more than broken promises, wastes of time, and lies to the self (which you'll all feel as soon as you stop going to the gym two weeks from now), but I will say that I look forward to 2010 and a year full of rants, poems, stories, and dialogues to share. So thanks for reading, and thanks for looking for something to read even though there are days, weeks, and sometimes months that go by with nothing new.

~ Pandora -- The Notorious Scribe