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...over-educated and under-experienced, or so they say...

Friday, June 26, 2009

Safety Minute

Moonbeam: (knocks on Pandora's cube wall) Pandora? Does the sight of blood make you queasy?

Pandora: (puts down her pen and turns around) ...excuse me?

Moonbeam: Does the sight of blood make you queasy?

Pandora: Why are you asking me this right now?

Moonbeam: Because I need your help with something.

Pandora: Uh... with all due respect, Moonbeam, my job is to sit here and write words strong enough to withstand battle in a court of law, not to fiddle around with blood borne pathogens.

Moonbeam: Oh my god, Pandora, you're such a kick. It's nothing like that. I just need your help with something.

Pandora: Well, you come up and ask me if blood makes me queasy right before saying you need my help, but... it's got nothing to do with blood?

Moonbeam: Well, you see, I've got this big zit behind my ear and...

Pandora: Wait a minute, what?!

Moonbeam: (turns around and pulls back her ear to show Pandora) ...I have this zit behind my ear and it's extremely painful and I can't reach it well enough to pop it myself so I thought maybe you would help me.

Pandora: Okay... um... first of all, that's a boil, not a zit, and secondly I'm pretty sure that's a safety minute.

Moonbeam: ...a safety minute?

Pandora: Yes.

Moonbeam: How so?

Pandora: Because it's a boil! Boils are infectious, poisonous, toxic, contagious! They are a direct result of Staphylococcus aureus and there is no way I'm going to touch that and expose myself to the dangers of its white pussy contents!

Moonbeam: Hahaha! You are so funny! So.. will you help me?

Pandora: No! I'm dead serious, Moonbeam! That's a safety minute! And seriously, you expect me to stand up here and put my fingers behind your ear and pop that thing?!

Moonbeam: Well, of course not, silly. Use a straight pin or something.

Pandora: ...a straight pin? Am I a seamstress? Are we working in a Bridal Shop? Moonbeam, I'm in a cubicle with maps and legal documents on my desk. Do I look like I have a straight pin?

Moonbeam: (points to the bulletin board) You could use one of those.

Pandora: What? ...a thumb tack? Are you insane? That's also a safety minute!

Moonbeam: What? Why?

Pandora: Because it's unsanitary! It's not sterile! When a doctor sits down to lance a boil he doesn't look at his nurse and say, "We need to take care of this. Would you pass me a thumb tack from the bulletin board so I can pop this thing please?"

Moonbeam: Oh, you're ridiculous. So you won't help me?

Pandora: No. I'm really sorry, but I can't.

Moonbeam: (sees Sunshine take her seat in the cubicle across from Pandora) Sunshine! I bet you'll help me. Nothing scares you.

Sunshine: What? What are we talking about here?

Pandora: I think it's a safety minute.

Sunshine: What?

Moonbeam: Oh, just ignore Pandora. You see, I have this zit here behind my ear and I can't get to it.

Sunshine: What?! You have a what?!

Pandora: I'm telling you, don't touch that thing...

Moonbeam: (turns around to show the boil to Sunshine)

Sunshine: Oh Hell no!! Get the Hell outta my cube!

Moonbeam: But I thought you...

Sunshine: Hell no!! I aint touchin' that thing! Now get the Hell outta my cube! I got work to do.

Moonbeam: (walks away)

Sunshine: She had one too many hits o' acid, that woman. And what's wrong with you, Pandora? I can't believe you didn't stand up and knock some sense into that woman, you be knocking sense into everybody, but you missed the boat on that one. shit... popping people's boils at that office... shit...

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