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...over-educated and under-experienced, or so they say...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Neighbors, Windmills, And The Proper Disposal Of Garbage

So, I live in an apartment (one of the more humble moments of my existence). One of the nice things about this living situation is that instead of the usual covered parking, I actually have a garage. Granted, I have to share this garage with three other people but... it's a garage. What else can I say?

Anyway, there's a dude that lives directly beneath me (also one of my garage mates). He's a mechanic and in his portion of the garage is a non-operational vehicle that he's restoring (I've seen no changes in this vehicle in the past four months -- apparently it's a "work in progress").

A few weeks back, this neighbor of mine took his garbage out and seemed to have mistaken the garage for the dumpster. In other words, he left the bag of garbage on his side of the garage for days. The stench grew and grew until it became a topic of conversation for my daughter and I, both coming and going from our home. Eventually, after much nasal abuse, the dude did us a favor and took the garbage to the dumpster and, well, at least for me, all was forgiven.

Another plus to apartment living is that one can pretty much hear everything that goes on. For example, the weather has been so nice lately that I have left my windows open in the evening which, at times, makes for better entertainment than any TV series has to offer. I say this because one night last week, as I was lying in bed, the neighbor from downstairs decided to step onto his patio for a cigarette while talking on the phone. To save some of my more sensitive readers, I will spare you the vulgar details, but apparently this man and a few of his cohorts have decided it would be financially lucrative to create an adult film or two. I was fortunate to hear the names of each character involved. For story telling purposes, you must know that he proudly named himself Windmill Dick because he can "swing that thing around like a windmill." Needless to say, I had a good laugh at this man and his "ingenuity," and I've been calling him by his pseudonym ever since.

So... the other morning Hope and I walk out to the garage and as we step inside our noses are overcome by a new yet familiar garbage stench. Hope groans and holds her nose exclaiming, "Not again!" And sure enough, as I turn my head toward my neighbors "work in progress" I notice a bag of garbage that didn't make it to the dumpster. I groaned, knowing that it would be days before that thing would be removed. With each passing day the stench grew worse and by Wednesday it had successfully made its way into my car. It was so bad that even after driving with the windows down and hours away from the diseased bag of trash, I could still smell the odor inside my vehicle. Well... that was it. That was more than I could take. I basically had two options: 1) remove the garbage myself or 2) say something. Obviously, the easier way out would be to remove the disturbance myself, but the thought of removing trash that wasn't my own, or even remotely related to me, was troublesome. So, this morning, the following note was left on his front door:

Dear Windmill Dick,

I, of all people, understand the lackadaisical approach to chores and household duties. I understand that the garbage is a nuisance, at best, particularly since the dumpster seems miles away from the front door. However, I don’t understand why it seems acceptable to make the nostrils of one’s garage mates suffer at the expense of what is most convenient to the self. Over the past three days, the odor of your garbage has escalated to the point of wonder – meaning, I wonder if I should alert the authorities because it smells like the decaying flesh of someone who may have disappeared due to a recent and unpublicized dismemberment. Said odor has also penetrated the "circle of safety" within my own vehicle – meaning, my car still smelled like your disgusting garbage after I drove away, stepped out of the car for a moment, and returned to my vehicle. I have enough trouble as it is in this life without driving around in a vaporous cloud of someone else’s rank garbage. I am not one to complain much, nor am I one to bother my neighbors with trifles, but when it comes to my sense of smell and the fact that an unwanted odor is invading my personal space I would have to say, dear sir, this is no trifling matter. That being said, would you be kind enough to remove the garbage from the garage and place it in the dumpster where it belongs.

Much Obliged,


Needless to say, I came home to a garbage free garage today.

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