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...over-educated and under-experienced, or so they say...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Word Of The Day

Pandora meets up with G.B. Wittington on the way out to the car.

G.B. Wittington: Hey there!

Pandora: (smiles) Hello.

G.B. Wittington: So, how was your day?

Pandora: Nothing significant. You?

G.B. Wittington: Same.

Pandora: Did you catch the word of the day today?

G.B. Wittington: Yep. Behemoth. Impressive. Ever count how many days go by before they actually put a word out you didn't know?

Pandora: No, but that's a good idea.

G.B. Wittington: Yep. It's been ten days since they threw down zaftig. That was a new one for me.

Pandora: Ya, that one was news to me too. I will say this, in definition two of behemoth I noticed that they made a reference to the book of Job, and they said the book's reference to behemoth was "perhaps the hippopotamus." You grew up in Sunday school, didn't you? I don't know about you, but I don't remember any of the Sunday school teachers talking about the hippos in the Old Testament.

G.B. Wittington: Hahahahaha... Right? I had a similar feeling when reading definition number two. I couldn't help but think, "hippopotamus? There was a hippopotamus in the book of Job? I don't remember that." I'm sure that would've been a big deal in my formative years at the ultra-conservative Baptist school I went to as a kid. I imagine we would've sung songs about Job's hippo, if that were the case. I remember boils and crop failures and dead family members, but no hippopotamus.

Pandora: I know! The only mighty creature I remember being worthy of the name behemoth in the book of Job was the random reference to Leviathan, but no one knows what the heck God was talking about there. Some people think it was some sort of sea creature.

G.B. Wittington: Yeah, I once read 4 chapters of a book titled Leviathan, and I think there was a movie about that thing, and it was some insane sea creature thing.

Pandora: ... four chapters, eh?

G.B. Wittington: Come on now... it was a book called Leviathan... some idiot gave it to me and it wasn't any good. Give me a break.

Pandora:... four chapters?

G.B. Wittington: Leviathan is a cool name used by a heavy metal band that sucks too. What do you want from me?

Pandora: pfft... anyway, I have heard some people say they think it was a reference to dinosaurs, but a hippo? Seriously? I know the hippo can be a formidable foe, should one make it angry, but most of the time they're just slothing about eating plants and bathing in lakes and rivers and aren't exactly the picture of an ominous and threatening power. They're no behemoth. I mean, seriously... hippos can sometimes be trained circus animals, they wear tutus and balance psychedelic patterned balls on their nose and suddenly it's possible that they're the "behemoth" from the book of Job? The creature God has bragging rights on as something He created that can neither be killed nor conquered by any man??? Really??? At least Leviathan has yet to be discovered or defined, but we know from our latest visit to Ringling Brothers that the hippo can be conquered. It is no behemoth. I mean... think about this for a minute... really... Oh no! Run! RUN!!! LEVIATHAN THE HIPPO IS GOING TO EVISCERATE ME WITH HIS SHARP QUADRUPEDAL CLUB FEET THINGS AND EAT MY BRAINS FOR DESSERT!!!

G.B. Wittington: ...

Pandora: ... What?

G.B. Wittington: ...

Pandora: What? That wasn't funny? You know that was funny!

G.B. Wittington: I think you should apologize to the hippos.

Pandora: What?

G.B. Wittington: Apologize to the hippos. You need to apologize to the hippos.

Pandora: Are you serious?

G.B. Wittington: I know they aren't that fearsome, but give 'em some respect. I know they're pretty docile, if they weren't that little girl wouldn't have sang about wanting one for Christmas, but I've seen them on the Discovery Channel and they can be kind of scary. And in your case, they can smell pride and arrogance. They will lure you in with their Lennie-like appearance and just when you think they are harmless, your head is gone and the hippos are laughing at your headless body which they turn into a puppet for children's story time at the local library.

Pandora: ... lennie-like appearance..?

G.B. Wittington: Yes. Lennie-like appearance.

Pandora: What does that mean?

G.B. Wittington: It means, be kind, rewind. Apologize to the hippos and get into your car and go home. This Phoenix sun is hot like a behemoth.

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