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...over-educated and under-experienced, or so they say...

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Random Thoughts

I kicked a midget once.  I know that sounds horrible, but I had no choice.  He completely invaded my personal space in the worst way.  I mean... what would you do if you were me and you were sitting on a bar stool and a drunk midget jumped into your lap screaming something like "OH!  I WANT YOUR FISHY!" right before diving his head into your holy of holies?!  I so kicked him... I kicked him all the way across the room.  God forgive me.

I'm not sure, but I think it may be a mortal sin if you fart in an elevator right before you step out and let other people walk inescapably into it as the doors shut behind them.  I'm not kidding.  I think that may be evil.  Why would you do that?!  Why would you fart in the elevator just so innocent people can be tortured on the way up to the fifth floor?!  Shame... shame on you elevator farting man.... (melt my face off why don't you...)

Speaking of melting my face off, if you have a cat that pees on your clothes, please don't wear those clothes to work and then come speak to me in my cubicle.  Thank you.

...the hell is up with this Wedge Salad bull shit?  Have you ever been unfortunate enough to order one of those stupid things, because you saw the words bacon and blue cheese crumbles in the description and thought it sounded perfect, only to have a plate brought out to you with a quarter wedge of some stupid Ice Berg lettuce, a fucking steak knife, and some bacon bits and blue cheese crumbles on the side?  ...the hell is that?!  That's not a salad!  That's not even art!  What is that?  Some creative way to get rid of a completely worthless vegetable that no one really eats any more so you have to trick us into ordering it?!  Dude... don't do it.  If you see the words "Wedge Salad" on a menu, do not be deceived!  DO NOT BE DECEIVED!!!  They are merely fooling you into paying somewhere between 5 and 15 dollars for something I wouldn't even serve my pet rabbit!  (if I had a rabbit... I don't really think rabbits make good pets though... too many pellets)

Someone please tell the bus boy in the cafeteria that we are not impressed with his ability to swat the germs off the counter-tops with a towel.  Someone please teach him to use disinfectant and to perhaps do a little scrubbing.  I think that might be a useful skill and one that is most likely included in the job description.

I'm pretty sure that's not beef in the Delimex Beef Tacitos.

I'm also pretty sure one should never eat anything with the word Whiz in the title.  ...seriously...

A wise man once said, you should never apologize for smelling like bacon.  Not that what he said right there was wise, but I laughed when he said it and... he's pretty wise.

I decided that driving behind a bus on a two lane highway is like standing in line behind the guy that's buying 20 scratch off lottery tickets at the Quicky Mart.  ...so irritating...

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