Mercury Is Retro... What?!

(Pandora is sitting at a table in the lunch room eating a salad and reading a book when Moonbeam takes a seat at the same table)

Moonbeam: Hi Pandora!  How are you?  Haven't seen you down here in a while.  You're always working through lunch it seems.

Pandora: (looks up from her book)  I decided to come down here for a change of scene and get some reading done.  (lifts the book as if to indicate talking was not on the lunchtime agenda)

Moonbeam: ooOOoo... Something different!  Changing the pattern! Walking away from the norm to regroup and reevaluate are you?

Pandora: (looks up from the book... again...) Uh, no.  I came to read.  (lifts the book again in an attempt to further emphasize talking was not on the lunchtime agenda)

Moonbeam: (takes a bite of her sandwich and begins talking with her mouthful) It's because Mercury is retrograde.

Pandora: What?

Moonbeam: Retrograde... Mercury is retrograde... it went retrograde on Monday.  You're reacting to it.

Pandora: ... Mercury is ... what?

Moonbeam:  Oh man, you didn't even know?!  Pandora!  Oh my god... you so need to pay attention to this because Mercury can jack you up if you're not careful!  Okay, check this out, so three times a year Mercury  goes retrograde and it screws with everyone's routines and thought processes and communications and all that.  So computers will break, messages will be mixed, cars will break down, traffic jams, all kinds of stops and starts in all kinds of ways.

Pandora: ... (closes her book and puts down her fork)  Cars always break, traffic jams happen every Monday through Friday between 7 and 9 a.m. and again between 4 and 7 p.m.  The computer at my desk upstairs has been begging me to throw it out the window for the past couple of weeks, long before this retrograde thing happened, and in my line of work mixed messages are the norm so...

Moonbeam: (with her mouth full) Go ahead, be a skeptic, but I totally believe you came down here cuz Mercury is stirring the pot in your head.  It is the planet that rules our thought patterns and today you came down here and read a book instead of work through your lunch, like you do EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR WORKING LIFE! (piece of sandwich flies out of her mouth across the table)

Pandora: (staring at the renegade sandwich piece) I wouldn't call it every day of my working life...  (flicks the sandwich piece off the table)  And I've been wanting to read this book for a long time, but it requires a lot of thought and I can't read it in the evening because I'm tired so I just thought it might be beneficial to take advantage of the lunch hour and direct my thoughts toward something other than the work on my desk.

Moonbeam: See!

Pandora: What?

Moonbeam:  That's totally a retrograde moment for you!  A complete disruption of your normal pattern and even a change of course!

Pandora:  The only disruption of my normal pattern right now is that you're here at my table talking about some kind of nonsense when my intent was to come down here and eat my salad and read this book that will provoke thoughts from me that I can't provoke from myself.  So, if you want me to believe this Mercury screwing with my juju day thing, I think the greatest argument you can make right now is that you showed up and started talking during my reading hour.

Moonbeam: Exactly!  See!  You do get it!

Pandora: ...

Moonbeam: It's true, everything you just said is true, and that's TOTALLY a retrograde moment for you, AND for me too because when was the last time I even saw you?  MONTHS AGO!  This is totally a universe moment right here, you and I meeting like this in the cafeteria  and having this amazing conversation!    So, you understand everything now?

Pandora: ... no...

Moonbeam: (standing up to leave)  Well, that's okay, Pandora.  Not everyone is made to understand the complexities of the universe in one conversation.  I'll have to send you some links so you can learn more.  It is important.  Someone like you, of all people, should know how the planets affect you.  It's just like the moon and the tides, it's happening all the time and you can either be the person that knows about it or you can be the person that doesn't.  See ya!  Enjoy the rest of your lunch hour!

Pandora: (looks at the time, picks up her things and heads back to her desk)  ...stupid Mercury gone retrograde...