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...over-educated and under-experienced, or so they say...

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Lunchtime Meditation

You walk down three flights of stairs to the cafeteria.
You spend $3.50 on a salad you put together yourself: romaine, spinach, mushrooms, those little grape tomato things, sunflower seeds, cheese.
You curse yourself for being too lazy and disorganized to bring your own bad ass salad from home because this place is really slim pickins sometimes.
You walk up three flights of stairs back to your office.
You remind yourself that you're taking the stairs because it's better for your ass than the elevator is.
You sit down at your desk and eat your salad and drink your water (because water is life and you're one dehydrated flaky skinned fool right now).
You look at the files on your desk and then you stare at your notebook and decide to spend your lunch hour working on your writing project instead of working on the stupid files that will still be there an hour from now.
You open your notebook, set your iPod to some meditation music, and the next thing you know you're just staring at the notebook with your thoughts going all over the place.
You decide to take a minute to quiet your mind and doodle until your thoughts begin to step away from the office and back into your craft.
You start drawing some line and decide it looks like the makings of a tree.
You start drawing the roots.
You start to get a little obsessed with the roots because you've never really seen tree roots but you know they have to be strong and solid and reach deep into the Earth.
You start thinking of how the roots in your house plants look when they get bound inside the pot and you start to imagine how thick and spread out tree roots must become as there is no pot to bind them and hinder them.
You start creating this maze of roots and convince yourself that they are strong and solid and will hold your tree firm in the ground and the tree will be strong and able to withstand the elements.
You remember that one hippie you once knew said that plants were the most intelligent beings on the planet because of their incredible ability to adapt.
You smile to yourself about the tree as a being.
You think of yourself as a being.
You think of your greatest friends as beings.
You think of the most amazing people you have seen in your lifetime and you suddenly start to think about their roots and their ability to adapt.

You start thinking of the man who grew up physically and mentally abused by his drunken parents and you start thinking how he chose to walk away from them at 11 years old and you start thinking about how he  could've grown up to become exactly like them and how he could've used them as an excuse to behave badly and become someone who cares little for life and the lives of others but he chose a different path and he's one of the kindest and most caring people you know and you decide that he has strong roots but they are roots that ran far deeper than his family tree and found some sort of soil more fertile than what he was planted in and you decide like the tree you're drawing here he is strong and able to withstand the elements.

You start thinking of the girl who had been struggling to raise her nephew because her sister decided she didn't want him anymore and you think of how this girl has a mother who basically did the same thing to her and you think of how she pretty much raised herself and you think of how this girl has been torn down with words and experienced her own self-loathing and rejection from everyone she wanted to be loved by and yet she has still chosen for herself a path of love and kindness and understanding and you remember that she often gives without asking for anything in return and you remember that she often turns the other cheek when she certainly doesn't have to and you remember that she loves unconditionally and you once again decide that she has roots that have grown stronger and farther and deeper than her family tree and she has found some fertile soil and she has grown much taller and stronger than anyone in her family and her branches outstretch to shade those she loves the most and those she welcomes because she sees they have a need and you tell yourself that this person is like the tree you're drawing here and she is strong and able to withstand the elements.

You start thinking of the mother that has given everything she has to her only child, she has given all of her energy, all of her resources, all of her love, all of her instruction, all of her protection, all of her hopes and dreams she has passed on in order to make sure this little one will grow strong roots and find some deep solid fertile soil and reach out to the sun and reach out to the sky and bloom and blossom and fill the air with beauty and through that beauty beget more beauty and you believe that this tree is strong enough to withstand the elements and strong enough to make at least one more tree just as good and hopefully even better because the world is in great need of strong solid beautiful trees and... just as you think that...

You turn around because one of the office folk saw you sitting at your desk at lunch and decided to come talk to you and so you hurry and hide your mediocre tree drawing because you don't want them to know you were trying to have a quiet moment of creative thought because that might give something away about yourself and this person talking to you could care less about your stupid doodle and your random thoughts about people and trees and their ability to adapt and persevere and grow into something beautiful and you are in fact pretty sure this particular person would think you're weird and well... as weird as you are, you have to at least keep that part of you somewhat hidden.

You are, after all, an employee, not a free agent with some strange penchant for thinking too much.  

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