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...over-educated and under-experienced, or so they say...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Midday Ramblings

Have you ever noticed how some people need to take a break from the Crest Whitening Strips for a while? I mean, really… some of these people need to spend the next thirty days drinking 8 cups of coffee per day just to bring the gleam back down to a non-blinding level. (and god help us if the same people visit the tanning salon regularly)

I’m glad I’m not 6 feet tall.

I forgive the person that can’t help but explode in the public restroom because they’re suffering and most likely mortified, but I show no mercy to the constipated soul who bears no shame while grunting in the public restroom.

I hate standing next to women that are six feet or more, particularly in a business arena where I’m trying to impress others with my intellectual prowess. Somehow, this makes me feel like a barking Chihuahua beside a silent Mastiff. And I have this terrible feeling, despite constant eye contact, the guy is pretending to listen to me while he’s thinking, “Damn, that woman is gigantic!”

When Obama took office, government control of private industry was at 34%. When he passed the bailout it became 40%, and if he passes the healthcare proposed it will be 45%. 47% of Russia’s private industry is government controlled. Hmmm… I’ve always idolized the success of Russian economy, haven’t you? And… Russia has a McDonald’s at least in Moscow, don’t they? Egg McMuffins abound!!!

Maybe I’ll go buy some Crest Ultra Powered Whitening Strips. I hear they come with a special UV ray light to shine on them. Awesome! I’ll be able to compete with my plastic neighbor in no time!

There’s a room full of engineers behind me right now. They love to make themselves laugh with math jokes. They are a different breed of human.

I just acquired an easement from the Mormons. I was told that was next to impossible.

We’re having a going away luncheon for one of the assistants today. She’s heading off to Law School next week. Lucky lady is moving to Denver. She and her man are moving out there together. She asked me if I would ever come visit her. I have a feeling a trip to Denver is more than possible.

The Land Department is known for eating. I’m not sure why, but these people love to eat and therefore they often find reasons for pot lucks. Today’s reason is the assistant's departure. They’re setting up the food in the conference room behind me (yes, the one the mathematical comedians just left) and the miscellaneous aromas are making my stomach growl.

I bet there’s a lot more than salad and broccoli in there.

My hair could use a trim.

The vultures are gathering behind me.

Bombastic Babbling Boy is also standing outside my cube trying to sound smart again.

The food is glorious. One could probably eat until they passed out. Free food heaven. Everything from chicken to sushi to pasta to veggies to pita sandwiches and fruit and crazy desserts and deviled eggs and hummus and… well… more stuff that I can’t remember. Land eats well.

Hummus sounds like a game we might have fun playing.

…some kind of crazy chicken stuffed dumpling thing that was absolutely awesome…

"…some people drink Pepsi, some people drink Coke, the wacky morning dj says democracy’s a joke…" (from Comfort Eagle -- Cake)

Women that squeal “HIIIIIiiiii…” and then hug each other kinda nauseate me.

…I’ve certainly had better sushi but…still good.

…the strange pasta dish lacks flavor.

Pasta dish number two also lacks flavor.

Come on people! If you’re going to make pasta you must DOUSE it with flavor!

I think, when attending a potluck, it’s best to take small bits of everything. The one thing I think I’ll start doing next time is writing down the names of the people who made what and take notes such as follows:

Jane’s pasta: lacks flavor

Jan’s pasta: lacks flavor

Cowboy: he brought Popeye Chicken. Guess it’s amazing he brought anything.

Louise’s Jalapeño Cornbread: awesome…

You know, something like that. So next time I can avoid the less flavorful dishes.

I ran from the dessert table.

My favorite thing was the pita bread stuffed with some kind of chicken salad goodness. That was yummy.

I’m done now.

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