So I was standing in my closet this morning, staring at my clothes, trying to decide what to wear. And I was standing there thinking about wearing the green blouse but then decide against it. And as I was dressing, I listened to the long string of random banal thoughts about bills and groceries and laundry when suddenly I heard myself think, “I can’t wait until my shift on Earth is done.” And just as my mind moved onto the next thought, I stopped myself and said, “What? I can’t wait until my shift on Earth is done? Did I really just say that to myself?” So I stood there for a minute and started laughing at myself for that comment.
It really was a strange thing to say. And it wasn’t said out of depression, nor did it have some suicidal tone to it. I didn’t say, “life on Earth,” I said, “shift on Earth,” as if I were some being from another realm sent here for a purpose, a job, a task at hand like garbage detail or something -- as though I were some kind of celestial so and so who would much rather be working a shift on planet Zircon but somehow got the short end of the stick and got stuck here on Earth. And as I was listening to the mundane meanderings of my mind, I had a moment where I realized I sounded so much like a regular human I disgusted myself and said, “I can’t wait until my shift on Earth is done,” implying a return to the glory of my celestial splendor and a shift I truly deserve.
Really, if I didn’t actually have laundry and dishes to do right now, I could run with this one for quite some time.
If I told this story to a New Agie, I imagine they would say it was my “angel existence” that made the comment. Some people believe that a certain number of us are actually angels in human form, sent to Earth for a purpose, and not all of us know who we are yet. If I told them about this moment, I would most likely be told that I’m “awakening,” that I’m starting to realize there is more to my life on Earth and my purpose here than all of the mundane thoughts that were rolling through my mind at that specific time.
Another response might be to say it was my “higher self,” which simply means that it is the part of me that is fully aware of who I am and what my purpose is in this lifetime , and the fact that I spoke to myself in that manner would mean that I am getting closer to becoming all that my higher self is. (Sounds somewhat similar to the angel people idea, but it isn’t. The higher self is just me, completely human but fully aware of all my talents and abilities and unafraid to foster the qualities of myself necessary to hone those talents and abilities and master them all. The higher self is able to shake off all of the things that make humans stay put in their day to day mindless existence and live the purposeful life The Universe intended.)
Then, of course, we cannot forget the people who would prattle on about past lives and that I’m something they call an old soul that has traveled many lifetimes to get to this one. They would say the voice that spoke up this morning stems from a life that was quite possibly spent on Planet Zircon (and, I'm totally making that planet up, by the way, so don't go searching around for it in some galaxy far far away... although... I'm sure some of these same people would argue that since I gave it a name that proves it exists, or something like that) where I floated about in a white glittery gossamer gown and laid upon the grass in the quiet meadow where I wrote volumes of poetry and songs.
Nor can we forget the people that believe right now, this very minute, that I am an alien from Planet Zircon and that I have been encased in this human form for so long I’ve nearly forgotten my extra terrestrial self and completely lost sight of the assignment the mother planet sent me out here to do. They would tell me that my name is Astra and that I need to stare long and hard into some kind of crystal prism so I can travel to the nether realms and get in touch with my people in an attempt to remember why I've been given this shift on Earth. (these are also the same people I highly suggest you smile and nod at while they’re speaking to you and then walk away and never speak with them again)
My favorite idea, though, is one I came up with myself (surprise you that I like my own idea best? It really shouldn't). I imagine some poor Angel of God who was assigned to be my Guardian since the day I was born. I imagine that she was excited on the day of my birth because she could see all of the potential I have to do great things and she looked forward to helping me foster them. But after 35 years of following me around (making sure I didn't break my neck on the monkey bars when I was a kid at school, making sure I didn't die in that car accident on the freeway, making sure I didn't talk to that idiot at the bar when I was 21, making sure I stayed strong enough to get through my education as a single mother, making sure I followed the right path to the job that would give me enough financial security to free my mind of just enough worry to have room for the imagination) she now sits beside me frustrated because all I do, day in and day out, are the same stupid mundane tasks. And no matter what she tries, no matter what she places in front of me, hoping to spark an inspirational fire in my soul, all she hears come from my mind is, "I shoulda thawed some chicken last night… I’ll just have to pick something up… I hate picking something up… I need to renew my lease… I need to stop by the bank... I need to make the lunches… I need to hurry… I need to pay my car insurance... I need to pay the electric…" And at that moment she couldn't stand it anymore and she plopped down on the edge of my bed and said, "I can't wait until my shift on Earth is done." And when she realized that I actually heard her, she sat up with excitement thinking she may have finally made some sort of breakthrough. Unfortunately for her, I am a skeptical human who thinks people that hear voices other than their own get sent to the asylum and swallow little purple pills every four to six hours. So... I let it go and laugh it off.
...poor thing. She's probably pacing back and forth behind me right now, grumbling to God about what a waste of her talent it is to be assigned to a stupid human like me.
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