Lesson In Fund Raising

Yesterday a dude down the hall sends out this mass email that says, “It’s that time of year again, folks. My daughter’s school is on the fund raising trail again and I am now selling Entertainment Coupon Books. Please come see me if you’re interested.” So I stare at the email and think to myself, “Dang it! I know Hope is going to be coming home with one of those too and I can’t hit anybody up for her cuz this guy beat me to it!”

This morning Hope sits down at the table and plops the coupon book down in front of her:

Hope: We’re selling the entertainment books again, Mom.

Pandora: Aaaa! I knew it was coming! I was going to bring it to work but yesterday another guy brought his daughter’s in and so we’re out of luck.

Hope: You were going to try to sell some to the people at work? Oh Mom! That would’ve gotten me the portable dvd player for sure!

Pandora: Portable dvd player? How many do you have to sell for that?

Hope: 55 books.

Pandora: Well, I doubt I would’ve been able to get 55 sold for you, but it would’ve been more than the usual one you sell because I’m the only one that ever buys anything from you. Haha…

Hope: Yes… I know.

Pandora: Do you even get a prize for that?


Hope: …a lame one. Last year I got a giant pen.

Pandora: (smiles at Hope) …a giant pen? I think I remember that.

Hope: Yep. Wanna know what lame prize I’ll get this year when you buy this from me?

Pandora: What is it?

Hope: A six to seven foot blow up balloon.


Pandora: …

Hope: A seven foot blow up balloon, Mom. …a seven foot long balloon… What am I going to do with a seven foot long balloon?


Pandora: Hahahaha… I don’t know honey.

Hope: Want to know what I’ll get if I sell five books?

Pandora: Sure.

Hope: …a giant wobbly pen. (she looks at the prize list and dryly reads the description) “The Giant Wobbly Pen: watch it wobble and bobble as you write while doing your homework.” (she looks up at me blankly) Want to know what I get if I sell ten to fifteen books?

Pandora: Ok.

Hope: I get to have the seven foot balloon, the giant wobbly pen, and a fuzzy face cube.

Pandora: …a what?

Hope: …a fuzzy face cube.

Pandora: …a fuzzy face cube?

Hope: (turns the prize sheet around and points to a picture of a red fuzzy cube with a smiley face and a large tuft of yellow fuzzy “hair” coming out of the top) … a fuzzy face cube. (stares at Pandora exasperated)


Pandora: Hahahahaha! What? You’re not excited about the possibility of receiving any of these things?

Hope: (turns the prize sheet back around so she can look at it) …a fuzzy face cube, Mom. It’s a fuzzy face cube, a giant wobbly pen, and a seven foot balloon that I have to blow up myself. (she puts the prize sheet down on the table and starts eating her cereal) No. No, Mom. I am not excited about these.

Pandora: Hahahahahaha… Oh Hope… you make me laugh. And how many do you have to sell to get the dvd player? 55?

Hope: Yes, 55.

Pandora: And how much do these books sell for?

Hope: $30 each.

Pandora: $30? I thought they were $25?

Hope: That was last year’s price. This year they’re $30.

Pandora: Hmmm… well, this is a good life lesson right here. Remember when I used to work for the mortgage company?

Hope: Yeah.

Pandora: Do you remember when I explained what it meant to work for commission? Meaning, I sell a loan and the company gives me a percentage of the money they make from the loan I sell?

Hope: Yeah, I remember.

Pandora: Well, when schools do this they’re doing two things: first, they’re trying to raise extra money so they can take care of a few extra things around the school and second, they’re giving you guys a taste of what it’s like to work in the land of sales. I could go to Target right now and buy a portable dvd player for $100. If you sell 55 books for $30 a piece you just made $1650 in sales. So if you get a $100 dvd player as commission for your sales, they’re giving you about 6% of what you made for them.

Hope: (stares at me deep in thought and then she looks down at the prize sheet) It is a lot of work, and I already have homework to do and soccer practice. You would think they could at least come up with better prizes than wobbly pens and fuzzy face cubes.

Pandora: Hahahahahahaha…